"Why bother about winter," said the Grasshopper, "we have plenty of food in the present." I love Aesops Fables, the kids and I read them together. They are great learning tools for life situations. Reading the fable of "The Ant and the Grasshopper," I realized my children are not the only ones that can take lessons from these fables.
Here is a brief synopsis. Two bugs, a grasshopper and an ant, hold a conversation. The grasshopper isn't so wise in this story as he tells his friend, the ant, that there is no need to further prepare for the winter by gathering more food. By the time winter is almost to an end the grasshopper is dying from starvation and the ant is still living off of the "savings."
This past week our military community ran the risk of not getting paid due to a possible government shutdown. It is deplorable to think that our military could go without pay but it is also discouraging to realize the financial disservice that we have done to ourselves as a community.
With each paycheck, who does your family pay first? Please don't take offense- or maybe do, maybe by taking offense at that question we will start to think about who we pay first.
I see many military families that are wiling to pay out before they pay in. Strapped down with: car loans, motorcycle payments, cable, cell phones, housing costs that exceed their family's Basic Allowance for Housing and credit card(s). Maybe the expense is something we think that we need, or maybe it really is a necessity. Each family and their set of needs are different. However, for a good majority of families there is a clear distinction between needs and wants.
A few of my family's basic needs are: food, shelter, clothes and gas. My husband (yes, I just put him on blast) wants his newer truck and motorcycle. One of the two vehicles would be a need; since we both work outside of the home but neither needed to be newer and I can definitely think of one that was a want.
At some point I sat back and realized that it was asinine that our family was spending several hundred dollars a month paying other people with our hard earned money. It was asinine that we weren't putting a portion of that pay into savings (other than his Thrift Savings Plan). So I set up a monthly automatic allotment; so that we would never see the funds. If we didn't pay ourselves first through an automatic allotment, even with the best intentions, the money would never see the inside of the savings account. This first started out small; with each item of debt that we have been able to scratch off our monthly budget we can add that much more to the savings. We had to give up a few things; eating out on a whim doesn't happen as much but our pocket books and bellies look that much better for it.
As a military community we get into the mindset that the paycheck will hit the bank account the 1st and 15th of each month; there is a false sense of security there. There are not many families think about the what-ifs; because we hope the what-if's never happen to us. But what-if: someone in my family back home got sick, what-if there was a DFAS mix-up and the check was short, what-if the car breaks down or the dog gets sick? Military financial aid societies do exist but what-if (darn that is a dirty phrase) the Law of Uncle Murphy moves in. (Anything bad that can happen will and it will all be at once.) Military aid societies have their limitations too.
If the only thing that we take out of the scare of the government shut-down is that nothing is truly guaranteed than maybe the "scare" wasn't all that bad. It didn't happen; but what can happen now is that your family can review its finances. You can enroll in a budgeting class through your branch of services family team building or ask to go over a budget with a caseworker at the military aid society. You may be able to realize that the $20 a week in Starbucks isn't essential and if you put that amount into savings you would have a little over a grand at the end of the year.
Make a pledge with me- become a family of Ants; chose to prepare for the "winter."
Monday, April 11, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
I know what you......PERSEC
*True happenings from a our lives in 2004.*
Kids in bed, check. A glass of wine, check. My favorite show on, check. Phone next to me while I await my husband to call from half way around the world check. The makings of a perfect evening!
The phone rings and a husky unfamiliar voice says, "I can see what you are wearing." My heart begins to beat faster. I am fully clothed, but as I peek out my second floor apartment windows closing my blinds as I go, I wonder who is watching me. Then the scary voice, that sounds to me like the voice from "I Know What You Did Last Summer," said "I know your husband is gone." Shakingly I picked up my cell phone and began to call the Military Police, they answer and I tell the MP's in a whisper what is going on. They advise me to stay on the phone for as long as I can so the Military Police track where the call came from. The creepy voice then begins to tell me what his plans for me are, I cry and scream "I am calling the cops," he hangs up. The almost perfect evening became petrifing quickly. Later I find out that there have been many other wives with deployed husbands that have received similiar phone calls; nothing serious ever happened, with the exception of other brave women becoming scared of the night.
While the events of the night were not warranted and certainly not justified, I began to wonder if I had done anything to advertise my situation. My yellow ribbon sticker soon thereafter got ripped off of my vehicle. I became very careful to whom I mentioned that my husband was deployed- no more idle chit-chat in the supermarket check-out lane about the hardships of deployment on my family. While I doubt that the person that made the call was someone that I met at the store, how would they have gotten my number, I became more aware of the fact that these people could follow me home. I became more aware of what I posted on the internet.....I no longer made mention of: wanting my husband home or another birthday alone. While all of those things were still true, the phone call made me realize I wasn't protecting my family.
This post is a Public Service Announcement. Bad things can and do happen to good people- its the sad reality of the world. Take the necessary precautions to ensure you and your family is safe while your service member is deployed. Just like OPSEC (operational security) is enforced to protect our service members, we should enforce PERSEC (personal security) in our lives. Think twice before you throw on your "Half my Heart is in...." shirt, or before posting about your day with a countdown of the number of days until your service member gets home. Even before making small talk at the local store. Treat your personal security like you would your financial security. There are very few people that I would share my financial information with.
Kids in bed, check. A glass of wine, check. My favorite show on, check. Phone next to me while I await my husband to call from half way around the world check. The makings of a perfect evening!
The phone rings and a husky unfamiliar voice says, "I can see what you are wearing." My heart begins to beat faster. I am fully clothed, but as I peek out my second floor apartment windows closing my blinds as I go, I wonder who is watching me. Then the scary voice, that sounds to me like the voice from "I Know What You Did Last Summer," said "I know your husband is gone." Shakingly I picked up my cell phone and began to call the Military Police, they answer and I tell the MP's in a whisper what is going on. They advise me to stay on the phone for as long as I can so the Military Police track where the call came from. The creepy voice then begins to tell me what his plans for me are, I cry and scream "I am calling the cops," he hangs up. The almost perfect evening became petrifing quickly. Later I find out that there have been many other wives with deployed husbands that have received similiar phone calls; nothing serious ever happened, with the exception of other brave women becoming scared of the night.
While the events of the night were not warranted and certainly not justified, I began to wonder if I had done anything to advertise my situation. My yellow ribbon sticker soon thereafter got ripped off of my vehicle. I became very careful to whom I mentioned that my husband was deployed- no more idle chit-chat in the supermarket check-out lane about the hardships of deployment on my family. While I doubt that the person that made the call was someone that I met at the store, how would they have gotten my number, I became more aware of the fact that these people could follow me home. I became more aware of what I posted on the internet.....I no longer made mention of: wanting my husband home or another birthday alone. While all of those things were still true, the phone call made me realize I wasn't protecting my family.
This post is a Public Service Announcement. Bad things can and do happen to good people- its the sad reality of the world. Take the necessary precautions to ensure you and your family is safe while your service member is deployed. Just like OPSEC (operational security) is enforced to protect our service members, we should enforce PERSEC (personal security) in our lives. Think twice before you throw on your "Half my Heart is in...." shirt, or before posting about your day with a countdown of the number of days until your service member gets home. Even before making small talk at the local store. Treat your personal security like you would your financial security. There are very few people that I would share my financial information with.
Friday, April 2, 2010
Deployments & Emotion
It is almost guranteed in this day that if you are military, you will be deployed. Your first deployment is the hardest, not because you get used to the love of your life being gone but because you come to terms with the emotions that go along with each deployment.
It is an emotional cycle that can not be understood unless you have experienced it. If you were to watch a couple going through a deployment emotional cycle in a "The Truman Show," sort of way you would think they were in need of medication.
With our first deployment (keep in mind he was going to Iraq for the intial invasion and I was hormonal- pregnancy induced) thinking, "Oh this sucks. But it is what he (we) signed up for." To two weeks later as the D-Day (departure day) closed in, being an inward basket case. Crying at odd times of the day, typically when he was at work....so he wouldn't see me cry; not because I didn't want him to know that I cared, but because he didn't need the added worry. Then came the waves of anger; anger toward the military for making him leave, anger at him for leaving. At one point both being on edge and screaming at him, "Damn it, I wish you would leave already!" I know you just gasped, "How dare she say something so mean when he was about to go off to danger," your probably thinking. Most military families that I know have had similiar arguments. It is the stress level making everyone hot, clammy and clausterphobic in a figurative sense.
D-Day arrives, you put him on the bus. You feel a sense of RELIEF come over you as you wave good-bye, and then guilt smacks you in the face. But the reality is you ARE relieved. Relieved that the day has come; the days of a high stress household are gone (for now). Relieved that the departure means he is one day closer to being home. Just as quickly as you moved through relief and guilt, anxiety sets in.
How in the world are you going to run this circus as a one man show? You might just be the circus freak by the time he gets back to you. You realize all of the hats that your now going to have to wear: Mommy & Daddy, handy-man, housekeeper.....the list go's on and on.
Many times playing the comforter/supporter for his immediate family; with the one that fills that role for you being gone. How hard it is to be strong for everyone around you, when there are days you just want to break down.
The weeks pass, each day you learn that you have a new strength. Or you find that you have a newfound enjoyment of.....working on cars, after changing the distributer cap on your own. Your love for your spouse isn't diminshed any but your pride in yourself has grown.
Finally, you have word from the Command that he is coming home. You don't have an exact date/time, or youv'e been given three different dates by the time that his feet touch American soil. You start to fear, anticipate and dread the homecoming in the same weird assortment of emotions as the day he left. Will he love me still? What will our relationship be like now?
The buses arrive, they get off of the bus....it seems like there are a million service members. PANIC, you can't find him, somehow they all look the same. Scrambling, you spot someone that looks like it could be your husband. Your eyes lock, your heart flutters, you start to stammer as you try to spit out the three little words have longed to say in person, "I looove you." All of your worries are fleeting in this moment. You grab his bags and head home.
He goes back to work in the days to come. You find that your a little lost in your roles. You get mad at him for not helping and angry when he does. You think he should play with the kids more, and they seem content on playing on their own. The dynamics of your family/relationships have changed. Now the challenge is in finding the fit since the pieces of the puzzle have have changed.
It is an emotional cycle that can not be understood unless you have experienced it. If you were to watch a couple going through a deployment emotional cycle in a "The Truman Show," sort of way you would think they were in need of medication.
With our first deployment (keep in mind he was going to Iraq for the intial invasion and I was hormonal- pregnancy induced) thinking, "Oh this sucks. But it is what he (we) signed up for." To two weeks later as the D-Day (departure day) closed in, being an inward basket case. Crying at odd times of the day, typically when he was at work....so he wouldn't see me cry; not because I didn't want him to know that I cared, but because he didn't need the added worry. Then came the waves of anger; anger toward the military for making him leave, anger at him for leaving. At one point both being on edge and screaming at him, "Damn it, I wish you would leave already!" I know you just gasped, "How dare she say something so mean when he was about to go off to danger," your probably thinking. Most military families that I know have had similiar arguments. It is the stress level making everyone hot, clammy and clausterphobic in a figurative sense.
D-Day arrives, you put him on the bus. You feel a sense of RELIEF come over you as you wave good-bye, and then guilt smacks you in the face. But the reality is you ARE relieved. Relieved that the day has come; the days of a high stress household are gone (for now). Relieved that the departure means he is one day closer to being home. Just as quickly as you moved through relief and guilt, anxiety sets in.
How in the world are you going to run this circus as a one man show? You might just be the circus freak by the time he gets back to you. You realize all of the hats that your now going to have to wear: Mommy & Daddy, handy-man, housekeeper.....the list go's on and on.
Many times playing the comforter/supporter for his immediate family; with the one that fills that role for you being gone. How hard it is to be strong for everyone around you, when there are days you just want to break down.
The weeks pass, each day you learn that you have a new strength. Or you find that you have a newfound enjoyment of.....working on cars, after changing the distributer cap on your own. Your love for your spouse isn't diminshed any but your pride in yourself has grown.
Finally, you have word from the Command that he is coming home. You don't have an exact date/time, or youv'e been given three different dates by the time that his feet touch American soil. You start to fear, anticipate and dread the homecoming in the same weird assortment of emotions as the day he left. Will he love me still? What will our relationship be like now?
The buses arrive, they get off of the bus....it seems like there are a million service members. PANIC, you can't find him, somehow they all look the same. Scrambling, you spot someone that looks like it could be your husband. Your eyes lock, your heart flutters, you start to stammer as you try to spit out the three little words have longed to say in person, "I looove you." All of your worries are fleeting in this moment. You grab his bags and head home.
He goes back to work in the days to come. You find that your a little lost in your roles. You get mad at him for not helping and angry when he does. You think he should play with the kids more, and they seem content on playing on their own. The dynamics of your family/relationships have changed. Now the challenge is in finding the fit since the pieces of the puzzle have have changed.
Marriage
We married young, shortly out of high school. Right after he graduated from boot camp, two days after to be exact. We are from a small town in the Midwest, far away from any military installation. I had never met anyone in the service before meeting his recruiters. So I married the man that I love, five days after the largest terrorist attack on American soil. I married him with the most naive expectations of what our life was to be and with my eyes wide- like a deer in headlights.
I wish I would have had someone to tell me that your life is going to become about what you make it. In this life ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING.
*a PCS (permanent change of station- move) just means friends in more locations
* deployments really do make the heart grow fonder
* there is a definite love/hate relationship with the military
* being an Independent Dependant can be a wonderful
* and It really doesn't matter if the toilet seat was left up- at least he is home
With every new wife I encounter, I try to pass on that wisdom. Life is always going to be what you make it; but living a life where you control so little makes that statement that much more real.
I wish I would have had someone to tell me that your life is going to become about what you make it. In this life ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING.
*a PCS (permanent change of station- move) just means friends in more locations
* deployments really do make the heart grow fonder
* there is a definite love/hate relationship with the military
* being an Independent Dependant can be a wonderful
* and It really doesn't matter if the toilet seat was left up- at least he is home
With every new wife I encounter, I try to pass on that wisdom. Life is always going to be what you make it; but living a life where you control so little makes that statement that much more real.
Intros
I feel like I am writing this for all of the military spouses out there. My "Intro" is brief and general.
I am a military spouse. I love my service member more than can be put into words. He dresses for work; whether be the Cammie's or the dress uniform, and my heart swells with pride. He loves his country and I share that love and pride of country with him. We both signed a contract. He signed away his life and I signed away my love. He may wear the dog-tags but I wear his heart.
Sometimes, I get lost....not because I don't know where I am going or who I am but because our lives can be such a whirl-wind. Between deployments, TDY's and PCS's it can be hard to remember that I am someone other than any number of hats that I am wearing. (personal assistant, Mommy, cook, tutor, housekeeper, Daddy, friend, lover, mechanic, repairman, lawncare woman, personal assistant). My world can get overwhelmed with whom I am supposed to be for everyone else that you begin to forget who you are for yourself. This is not regrettable but tiring, not out of obligation but out of love.
My husband stands in front of me to protect me, beside me to journey through life with me and behind me for encouragement. As I do also for him.
The following posts will be a chronicle of our life.....Some instances from the past, and some from the present. There may be times that I share the life and struggles of my friends. For the civilians reading, I hope you can gain an understanding of the person that is behind the military member and for the military spouses- I hope you feel a little less alone. :)
I am a military spouse. I love my service member more than can be put into words. He dresses for work; whether be the Cammie's or the dress uniform, and my heart swells with pride. He loves his country and I share that love and pride of country with him. We both signed a contract. He signed away his life and I signed away my love. He may wear the dog-tags but I wear his heart.
Sometimes, I get lost....not because I don't know where I am going or who I am but because our lives can be such a whirl-wind. Between deployments, TDY's and PCS's it can be hard to remember that I am someone other than any number of hats that I am wearing. (personal assistant, Mommy, cook, tutor, housekeeper, Daddy, friend, lover, mechanic, repairman, lawncare woman, personal assistant). My world can get overwhelmed with whom I am supposed to be for everyone else that you begin to forget who you are for yourself. This is not regrettable but tiring, not out of obligation but out of love.
My husband stands in front of me to protect me, beside me to journey through life with me and behind me for encouragement. As I do also for him.
The following posts will be a chronicle of our life.....Some instances from the past, and some from the present. There may be times that I share the life and struggles of my friends. For the civilians reading, I hope you can gain an understanding of the person that is behind the military member and for the military spouses- I hope you feel a little less alone. :)
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